I remember last time I was in Spain I thought it would be "giving up" or weak of me to say I was homesick or even that I missed things about my own country other than food and certain cultural norms.
But this morning, as I look out my window to Jerez and think about the lessons I need to plan and give within a few hours, I let myself experience the feelings of homesickness and doubt about why I came here.
Adjusting is so hard. I think what makes this particular adjustment so hard is that I had rooted myself at home. I miss my friends there, both old and new. I miss the refugees and the many diverse cultures that have converged in the midwest. I miss Whole Foods and Target, normal outlets and normal sleeping hours. I miss my family. I miss my snuggly doggies who bark at the strangest things. I very much want to go and pick pumpkins and drink hot apple cider sitting around a bonfire. I want to look up at the cerulean blue sky, framed by leaves that are vivid yellow and red while laying on the trampoline. Then I want to crush those leaves under my feet.
(Did I mention I miss English? I do. And Jacob's Well.)
I remember and remind myself that I love Spain. I love being here. I have to keep reminding myself this is true. "Remember" is a biblical command. Remember why you're here, where you've come from, and how you bridged the time and space between being "there" and being "here". When I'm in the States, I miss and long for things about Spain. But there, I'd become used to these longings and dealing with them. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I think it had to happen. You can't live in perpetual sadness. I won't here either. I will go back to the rhythm of my days and enjoy it, try not to get lost in it, and look for Jesus in the faces that surround me.
7 comments:
Amen...
Homesick=yes, definitely...
If it's anything like what I experience, it'll be like every-other week...I didn't view it as giving up, so I have been giving in to thinking about home...BUT, I think you would probably know more about the experience than me since you have actually completed the semester and I'm not quite halfway through...
But yeah, I miss English too...although I've grown accustomed to walking along and talking about whatever I feel like in English and assuming that no one can understand me, something that can't be done in the States...
Be strong and courageous!!
I love you Ellen. My heart was refreshed after spending time with you this past weekend (even if my knee wasn't).
Homesickness is a good sign. It means that you actually had something in the States that was difficult to leave. Think of your sadness and missing as a sort of bittersweet discovery of who and what you really do love.
Currently I'm listening to "Smile" (http://www.squidoo.com/just-smile). Not on purpose, it's just what popped up on iTunes. Only slightly fitting.
I can't wait to read your Barcelona post(s). I need to start on some of my own.
Thank you.
Don't worry, you're not the only one!!!
Hi Ellen, Well written to express a feeling we can sense from here. I want to just reach across the miles and give you a big hug, which we will do before you know it. These experiences will be the foundation for some of the best memories of your life. Thanks for taking the time to record your wonderful insights. Love you.
Home:
This is the time of year when,
In the midst of the prairie potholes
That jolt eroding '73 F150 Customs
And old Silverados,
Great arrows
Like signposts in the sky
Stream by, pointing home.
Until, in late March or April,
A strange deja vu sets in
As the familiar signs stream by,
Pointing the way back home.
Perhaps by now you have found the Advil(tm) cold, flu, and homesickness medicine the solves all problems. In retrospect, a hummingbird may have been a more apt comparison.... But, it's like those kind of tacky (and kind of true) wall hangings say - home is where the heart is.
Update from barcelona coming soon? Since when?
Post a Comment