Now that I am home, I have slept in my own bed for two consecutive nights. My suitcases are empty because my floor is full. I like unpacking. It's like opening up really large presents for myself after traveling with only a limited supply of my stuff which is also refreshing.
I'm reading a book in English. It is called Eat, Pray, Love. I love it. I am remembering me.
I realized that I did something in Spain that made my whole time there much harder. In September, I packed up my clothes, my American measuring cups, and my books - far too many books - and moved to Spain. When I arrived though, there was one thing I left shoved in my suitcase under the bed. It was... me. I left my American identity under the bed. I took on everything Spanish culture had to offer me. I spent quite a few nights out with people I barely knew, making small talk and absorbing how they interacted along with the stench of their cigarette smoke. I learned how to like things I didn't like when I arrived like choco (fried squid), skinny jeans and eighties clothing. Boundaries I had always respected, such as stop eating when you are full, blurred away as I swelled into Spanish Ellen, a shell of who I feel I am in English. I didn't know how to be contemplative.
Sometimes, in phone calls or Skype conversations with friends on this continent, I'd drag out my suitcase and let my identity out. In a few all-too-rare occasions, we went on walks together and I wondered why I didn't let her out more often. She was thoughtful, much more clever with words, a little bit nerdier, and quite joyful.
As soon as I returned home, I automatically became...me. It's very weird and very nice. I like being in my own skin again.
2 comments:
I read that book before I came here (and they're making a movie out of it!) Good stuff.
Ironically, my time in Andorra has often been more difficult because I've been too much of my American self and not flexible enough with the culture (not wanting to party late into the morning, working too hard at organizing and preparing lessons).
However, it's hard to stay true to who you are without the same norms and reference points. It takes awhile to establish your identity in a new culture and it is difficult to relate to people like you do at home when cultural interactions are different all around.
Not to mention functioning in a foreign language limits the depth of your thoughts and conversations, making you a little slower and simpler than your English counterpart!
1. I love you!
2. I love Eat, Pray, Love!
3. I love reading your blog! You are so insightful.
I loved reading this post. When I came back home from Spain the last time, I decided that part of the reason that I love being there is because, in a way, I love who I am there. It's just an interesting thing to think about. I love reading your blog, because it helps me to prepare myself for the challenges ahead! :)Thanks!
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