Debriefing Part II

I am trying to make sense out of a whole year's worth of experiences... wrapped up in a nice little burrito called Spain.

I don't know.

I don't know.

This is not a stressed "I JUST DON'T KNOW" or a panicked "Idon'tknow"; but rather, me, looking back on a year and feeling the immenseness of it, the fullness of that time, and not really understanding how to understand it, how it fits into my life.

Yet I must make sense of it. I am reading the book Eat, Pray, Love right now and in it, the author says that there are some people who never really question life at a metaphysical level. There are others who seem to accept life as it comes, gracefully. And then there are those of us for whom it causes a lot of anxiety. I include myself here. I'm not really sure what Spain was. I'd like to understand it as it fits in with my beliefs in God. I wish I could see it as either a cycle of growth, a time when many internal things were dying or being reborn: life, crucifixion, or resurrection. But Spain was messy. Spain was the best and the worst. It was so hard, and so full of growth and so intense - fuerte.

It feels a little bit like a year of fireworks, and now that things are settling down again, I want to spend hours being still, being in silence, listening, and waiting. Coming down from fireworks is hard though. It's a long process and I must remember "to be very polite with myself" (another quote from Eat, Pray, Love).